There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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