So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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