But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
