it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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