So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
