Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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