My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
