I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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