he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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