Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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