his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
