there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
