Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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