mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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