I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
