is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
