i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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