Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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