dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
