i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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