Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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