just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
