I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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