I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
