I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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