sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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