his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
