I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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