I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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