I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
