we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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