I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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