peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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