dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
