I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
