You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
did i walk over a car last night?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
