We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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