My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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