I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
