I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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