Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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