I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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