Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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