dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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