My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
