Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Randomize
