Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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