i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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