I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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