I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dear god my vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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