I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
