he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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