Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
