i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
