Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
