Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
