nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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