i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
