i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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