She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
