I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
