People in love make me want to vomit
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
