Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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