i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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